Imaginary Friends
Most of my posts are at least vaguely knitting-related, as this is basically a knitting blog, but every now and then I like to think about other things. This evening in the shower I was thinking about the online community and the contacts I’ve made through it. I know people who refer to their “Imaginary Friends”, but is it more than that? I am/have been part of a number of different online communities – an email list for Greenbelters , a bulletin board on BabyCentre and now the less well-defined knit-blog community. With all of these there have been people I have encountered who I click with, and others I don’t so much. There are people I have met in the flesh, and others I haven’t. These can all work well, and be very cosy places to visit, but are the interactions we have with others in cyberspace real, unreal or just different. Certainly there are big differences between the way we interact with people we meet in the real world – not least, we get to see/hear what they look like. For example I read everyone’s blog with an English accent, because I have an English accent. (Although bizarrely whenever I fantasize about podcasting – and let’s face it, haven’t we all? (What? No? It’s just me then – yeah, yeah – and you’re going to say that you don’t sniff yarn either aren’t you?) – when I fantasize about podcasting, I do so with an American accent – probably because the main two I’ve listened to are Brenda Dayne’s Cast on and Pixie Purls (Aaaarrrggghhh – just realised that I’ve missed two of them – now downloading!) – and they both have really cool American accents.
I think the big thing about the online community is the ability to switch it off when we’re not in the mood. This means that we are free to present ourselves in our best light. This isn’t a bad thing, it isn’t a consciously devious thing – it’s what we always do when we meet new people, but here in cyberspace we can do so without people noticing. (If you’re bored senseless go and find someone else’s blog to read – it’s fine, I won’t know.)
The point where the problems start is where the problems start. I’ve been lucky – (and I’d like to stay that way 
) – probably because I don’t have that much traffic on here, and I don’t think I’m that controversial really, and I’ve not been flamed in any of my comments, but I’ve seen blogs where people have been majorly flamed. And as for bulletin boards! OK, so Babycentre is an interesting one – the only real thing that people have in common on the board I frequent is that we all had babies in approximately the same month (give or take early arrivals and overdue ones). When at the stage where being pregnant or having a tiny baby is all-consuming that works really well. It’s very reassuring to know that there are other women out there going through the same experiences, some of them quite disgusting, and certainly not suitable material for conversation with normal people. But we all have very different backgrounds, and occasionally someone will take offense at a comment someone else has made. (In fact this is very rare on the board I frequent – there are others where flare-ups seem to be much more common.) This sort of situation could probably be dealt with much more easily in person, but in cyberspace, with the time-lags and the lack of body language, these can mushroom out of control – everyone seems to feel that the matter should be allowed to drop, but that they’ll just have their little say… and so it goes on. And as for trolls – DON’T FEED THE TROLL!
So are they real friendships? Yes, I think they are. They are different, but no less valuable. There is a danger of projecting – imagining attributes that we would like cyber-friends to have, but then that danger exists with other friends too. I think the biggest danger is that of revealing too much. It feels very personal sitting here in the gathering gloom on my own in the front room. I could confess all sorts of things, but actually I’m publishing this to the outside world. There will probably be people reading this whom I’ve never had any contact with before. (Wishful thinking – everyone has probably taken the advice at the end of paragraph 2 by now!) Even worse – there will be people I know reading this! (That’s much scarier.) So, on the whole, I will pick and chose my confessions – my house is untidy – yeah, well, you all know that already. What I really think about Whats-her-face… – no, I’ll keep that one to myself thank you.
Enough navel-gazing.
I took Adam into town today to buy a maths text book for my tutee. (I tutor one evening a week – two evenings during the holidays – it’s quite fun, and makes some useful money.) We went to Starbucks for a coffee. Starbucks = evil, or Starbucks = good? – I know the whole globalisation, putting small coffeeshops out of business thing is evil, but, but, but… – I believe their employment practices are pretty good, they serve FairTrade coffee, the sofas are lovely and cosy AND they serve gluten-free wheat-free cake – what’s more they don’t make a big song and dance about it, it’s just the normal chocolate and orange cake that they have out on the counter. I can be normal 
(Except that I ordered an Americano with a half-shot of coffee – so not so normal after all – ah well… )
four comments:
Yes, I’ve thought all those things too! (so what DO you think of what’s-her-face?!). And I’ve seen some flaming wars go on, possibly because people forget that they’re still dealing with other people and don’t think about the internet in the same way as a face-to-face or phone meeting. I read a book called “Life on the screen: Identity in the age of the internet” (Sherry Turkle) for my MA and it’s got LOADS about all of this in! It’s actually quite readable and definitely worth a look if you’re having a think about all this.Daisy () (link) - 14 April '06 - 11:55
What a fantastic posting. I have a terrible sense of curiosity: I’d like to see some of these flaming wars – which blogs?? (Not on mine I hope)! I think I’ll get hold of Daisy’s book (above comment).I once cringed mightily at work because I’d “told someone off” via an e-mail (for leaving my classroom in a mess). I’d been far harsher and grumpier than I could have dared to be “in real life” and when I returned to my desk later on in the day he’d left me a big box of chocolates! (Guilt and shame)
Ruth () (link) - 14 April '06 - 19:11
Hi Anne – I thought I would introduce myself. I love reading your blog, and visit a couple of times a week. I love it for several reasons. First, because of the knitting. I’m an avid knitter, although not very diverse yet. I’m learning! My Granny was from Scotland, and knitted and always giggled! She was a very fun lady! And because of you I found Brenda Dayne, and love to listen to her as well. I’m from west coast Canada, but married an American and we currently live in South Dakota, soon moving to Minnesota. I miss some of the British influences that I had in Canada. I have only lived here for about 6 years now. It is comforting to me to ‘hear’ your lifestyle, and your accent even comes out just a bit in your writing. I love where we live and the lifestyle, but I have lived in Europe and I love that as well. I don’t understand flaming, because I just see how people can contribute so many neat things to each other’s lives. (But – Ruth – I DO understand not being happy with a mess!) So, thank-you, Anne, for your blog. I really enjoy it.Carole () (link) - 14 April '06 - 20:20
Thank you for a really interesting and thought provoking post. I’ve thought along these lines too. One does get an idea of people from reading their blogs and what type of personality they might have but I often wonder how close to reality our idea of any particular person actually is. When I look at my own blog, I often think it looks really orderly and I only ever really mention the good things that happen with the occasional nasty thrown in (like my trip to the dentist or whatever). In actuality my life is in no way orderly with only good things happening which I suppose is the same for all of us. I think a lot of people would be afraid to be too frank on their blogs because of that feeling, very real in fact, of vulnerability. You hit the nail right on the head with this post, Anne.Hazel () (link) - 14 April '06 - 22:59
